


The conman's motto

by Mollygail



Category: White Collar
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Trapped In Elevator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-18 19:03:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20196547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mollygail/pseuds/Mollygail
Summary: Neal is trapped in an elevator...with Hughes. Awkwardness and surprises.





	The conman's motto

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing something, it took a weird turn and this happened. Also, it's past my bedtime and there may be more mistakes than usual. I may have to do some editing when I'm more awake. Have I thanked you all for overlooking my punctuation deficiencies? I do appreciate it and I'm working on trying to improve.  
The ABC news report that Neal speaks of is real.

There was no doubt in Neal’s mind; this was Peter’s fault. If Peter hadn’t asked him to go on a coffee run he would be sitting comfortably in the office, instead of stuck in an elevator. Not that being stuck in an elevator was anything to cause him to worry. He wasn’t claustrophobic and he didn’t panic in a crisis. His cell phone was fully charged and would provide a little light if they used it sparingly. They had contact with the outside world through the elevator phone system. But, why? Why did it have to be Hughes who was stuck with him? Just the two of them, himself and Hughes, stuck in an elevator during a blackout. Crappity-crap, as his mother used to say. 

“Well, Caffrey, the maintenance man said it’s a wide-spread blackout. We might as well sit down.”

“Yes, sir. Wait a minute though. Could you hold this for me?” He held out the cardboard carrier with the four cups of coffee and a bag of donuts he had been taking up to the office. Hughes took it with a grim expression on his face. Neal quickly ducked his head and pulled the strap of his messenger bag over his head. From the front pocket, he pulled out a small silver packet and opened it up. 

“Caffrey, is that an emergency blanket? We aren’t going to get cold in here.” 

“It’s for us to sit on, sir. When Peter and I were stuck in an elevator we sat on the floor and it was filthy. I started carrying this, just in case.” He tore the foil blanket in two and laid the halves along opposite walls. No need for them to sit too close together. This was going to be awkward enough.

“Hmm,” Hughes grunted in acknowledgment. “Good thinking," he said, as he sat down.

“You know the conman motto, sir. ‘Always be prepared.’” Neal settled himself down on the floor and grabbed a cup of coffee from the carrier. 

“That’s the boy scout motto, Caffrey.”

“They stole it, sir. Would you like some coffee? There’s two black and one with cream and sugar. I’ve also got some bottles of water in my bag.”

“I’ll take a black coffee, thanks.” 

Neal handed a cup to Hughes and then leaned back against the wall. Hopefully, they would be able to enjoy their coffee in silence.

“So, how does someone become a conman, Caffrey?”

“Are you considering a career change, sir?”

Even in the dim light, the scowl on Hughes's face was clearly visible. “I’m just trying to make conversation, Caffrey. We can talk about the weather if you like. What did you and Peter talk about when you were stuck in an elevator?”

“We told each other about our most embarrassing moments. I’d rather not go there again.”

“Hmn,” Hughes grunted his agreement and an awkward silence surrounded them as they drank their coffee.

“Would you like a donut to go with your coffee, sir?” Neal hoped with all his heart that this blackout didn’t last long. 

“No, thanks.”

“Maybe I should turn off my cell phone light to save the battery.” Without waiting, Neal pressed the button on his phone and they were in darkness. It didn’t matter; he could still feel Hughes staring at him.

“You and Peter seem to work well together.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You know, I thought a world-class conman would be a better conversationalist. I’m not trying to pry a confession out of you, Caffrey. I just thought we could pass the time. Maybe you should pick the topic.”

“We could do a series of ice-breaker questions. I’ll ask a question and you answer it first and then I’ll tell you my answer to the same question. Then you ask me a question and we both answer.” Neal was sure he could come up with several questions that would pass the time without having to exchange any real information.

“I reserve the right to refuse to answer any question I don’t like.” Hughes wasn’t about to share personal information with a convicted felon.

“Agreed. We can both plead the fifth any time.” Neal smiled when he heard Hughes laugh in response. “Ok, sir, I’ll ask the first question. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?”

“I’m old enough to retire and move if I wanted. I live in New York because this is where I want to live. Where would you live?”

Neal paused a moment. This was just a light conversation, but Hughes was an FBI agent. No need to be too honest in his answers. “I grew up in St. Louis. I might like to go back there someday. Now it’s your turn to ask a question.”

“Ok, what is your favorite sport to watch?”

Neal’s eye roll was, thankfully, unseen in the dark. “I’ve never understood the entertainment value of watching sports. I’d rather participate. But I don’t like most sports. I like swimming and running. What sports do you watch?”

“Baseball. But I’m not an avid fan. Your turn to ask a question.” 

“What do you listen to on the radio when you drive to work, sir?” Neal thought Hughes looked like a news addict.

“I don’t listen to the radio when I’m driving. I focus on my driving. What do you listen to while Peter drives?”

“Usually sports talk. Peter controls the radio.”

“That’s as it should be; it’s his car. What did your father do for a living?” Hughes wasn’t really expecting Caffrey to answer that question.

“I’ll pass on that one if you don’t mind, sir.” 

“I thought you might, but it was worth a try. Ok, do you see the glass half full or half empty?”

Neal laughed. “I see the glass as refillable, sir. How do you see it?”

“I think if the liquid has just been poured then it’s half full but, if the liquid is being consumed then the glass is half empty.” 

“Huh, I never thought of it that way.” Neal paused while he considered his next question knowing he’d have to answer it too. “What is your biggest regret in life, sir?”

Hughes was surprised by the question. He had thought they had a silent agreement to keep the conversation superficial. He decided to answer the question. “My biggest regret is not spending more time with my children when they were young. Now they’re grown up and I only see them on holidays. They’re busy with their own lives.” He sighed and there was a heavy silence in the elevator for a moment. “What about you, Caffrey? What do you regret most?”

“I don’t know. I guess it wasn’t a fair question to ask you since I can’t answer it myself. I regret a lot of things. But if you tell anyone I said that I’ll deny it.”

“Understood. Is there anything you would change if you could?” 

“Changing the past would be a tricky thing. I like where I am now. I like working with Peter. It’s not a perfect situation, of course, but if I changed things in the past where would I be now? Maybe the one thing I would change is not getting my high school diploma. If I had stayed in school another month I would have been valedictorian. I don’t think it would have changed my life much though. It’s just I don’t like leaving things half done.”

“Why didn’t you get your diploma while you were in prison?”

“It’s complicated. They wanted my high school transcripts to see how many credits I needed to finish. I thought it was best to just avoid that. I could have taken the GED test but I never got around to it.” 

“Was Peter right to suspect that you’re using an alias? Caffrey isn’t your real name, is it? That’s why it was complicated.” Hughes expected Neal to shut down and refuse to answer the question. He was wrong.

“If I answer that how would you know I wasn’t conning you, sir?”

“I wouldn’t. But why con me when you can just refuse to answer?”

“Hmm. Do you watch the news much?”

“The usual amount, I guess. Why?” Hughes wasn’t sure where Caffrey was going with this.

“There was an interesting report on ABC news a few years back. It was about children who were raised in witness protection. Did you see it?” Neal knew he shouldn’t say anymore, but what did matter? His childhood circumstances weren’t his fault. And the marshals had moved his mother and Ellen after he left home. He wasn’t putting them in danger.

“No, I don’t think I saw it. Tell me about it.” This was certainly more interesting than the meeting he would be late for.

“There was this woman who’s family went into WITSEC when she was seven. Her father testified against a biker gang. The marshals changed her name when the family went into WITSEC but they never issued her a new birth certificate. So, she grows up, leaves WITSEC, and has a family. She couldn’t get insurance for her children because she couldn’t prove she was a US citizen without her birth certificate. Another guy’s family left WITSEC when he was a teenager and the marshals changed his name back to his original birth name. He grew up living with one name and suddenly he was someone else. Since he has multiple identities he can’t get a driver’s license because he has been flagged as a fraud suspect. He can’t get student loans. He can’t apply for housing. Anything that requires proof of identity is impossible to get. What would you do if you were in that situation, sir?”

“Well, I guess if I was a man of many talents I would create my own identity. Forge my own documents. Maybe steal someone else’s identity.” He was beginning to see why Caffrey’s past was non-existent. 

“Hmm. Those would be options. But wouldn’t it be nice if the marshals would straighten out the mess they created?”

“The witness protection program is there to help people, Caffrey. They don’t change people’s names and relocate them for fun. Lives are at stake.”

“Sure, sure. I understand that. But did you know that until very recently there was no counseling available to the families who were relocated? Say, hypothetically, a dirty cop murders another cop because they figured out the dirty cop is working for the mob. The dirty cop, let’s just call him James, turns state’s evidence and his wife and kid are taken into WITSEC. The wife had no idea her husband was working for the mob. She’s taken away from her family and friends and has no one to support her emotionally. She’s got a little kid who won’t stop asking for his daddy. The only other person in her life that is still with her is her husband’s partner and she’s the one who arrested James. The mom starts drinking and smacking the kid around. Do the marshals care? Nah. Does she get any help? Nah. She lies to the kid and says James died a hero. Does anyone tell him the truth? Not until he’s eighteen and then it’s James’ partner; the woman who arrested his dad. It would seem to me that any kid who went through that would be pretty messed up. Hypothetically, of course.”

“I see your point. Hypothetically, a kid in WITSEC would have been trained to lie from an early age.”

“Exactly. In fact, he was probably rewarded for lying. And, hypothetically, the marshals taught him to create new aliases. He learned the importance of a good backstory. A kid like that would have the potential to become a world-class conman.”

“Would someone like that be interested in having his original birth certificate if it were possible?” Hughes wasn’t sure why Caffrey would have told him this story. Maybe it was a con, but maybe the guy was tired of living a lie. 

“If it was me I’d say it’s not really something I need. I’ve allegedly been doing pretty well without it.” Neal laughed. “I’ve been working closely with the FBI for a while now and they have no proof that I’m not Neal Caffrey…And this whole scenario is hypothetical anyway. There’s certainly no reason to tell Peter about this. Right?”

“I won’t keep secrets from your handler Caffrey.”

“Of course not, sir.”

“If he asks me if you confessed that your name is just an alias I’ll say no. You haven’t confessed to anything, have you, Caffrey?”

“Neal Caffrey never confesses, sir.”

“Ok, I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll keep your secret from Peter if you agree to take the GED test to get your diploma.”

“Why, sir? I’m doing ok without it.” Neal was puzzled by Hughes’ proposition. 

“You’re doing ok right now. But what about the future? In a couple of years, you’ll be free. What are your plans? If you’re going to go back to your old ways you’ll be all right without a diploma until Peter catches you. Then you can get a diploma in prison, but what would be the point? If you get caught again you’ll be going away for a long time. On the other hand, you could get the diploma now and when you finish your sentence you could get a job as a consultant for the FBI. Or you could go on to college. You have a lot of potential, Caffrey. I know I haven’t said it before, but you do good work for us. Get your diploma and apply to college. I’ll do what I can to help you get a scholarship or a grant or something.”

Neal was seldom speechless but right now he couldn’t think of anything to say. Hughes had a way of making Neal feel like he was in trouble even when the man was being nice. There was no good argument against Hughes’ suggestion though.

“Ok, sir. I’ll do it. But I’d like to keep it between us until after I pass. I think I’m going to need to do some studying before I’m ready to take the test.”

“After we get out of this elevator we can find out when you can take the test. We might be able to get you into college for the next semester.” 

“Don’t you think that’s moving a little fast, sir? Peter is my handler and he might not be happy about me attending classes when I’m supposed to be helping him solve cases.”

“Who is Peter’s boss, Caffrey?” 

“You are, sir.”

“It won’t hurt for you to take a class or two in the evenings.” Hughes paused. “Unless you don’t want to. College is optional; the diploma is mandatory unless you want me to tell Burke about the alias.”

“Maybe we could just take one step at a time, sir.”

“Ok, I can accept that. Now, I think I’d like one of those donuts, Caffrey. I’m glad I got stuck in this elevator with a man who lives by the conman’s motto.”

“Yes, sir. Always be prepared.” He turned on his phone light and handed Hughes the bag of donuts. There was no way he could have been prepared for the experience of being stuck in an elevator with this man. 

Hughes took a donut out of the bag and chewed a bite thoughtfully. “If we’re stuck in here for hours and the coffee runs its’ course…how are you prepared for that?” 

“We’ll have to use the empty coffee cups, I guess.” 

“Let’s hope we get out of here soon.” Hughes took a bite of his donut and washed it down with a sip of coffee. “Maybe we should go back to the question thing. If you were in a circus what would you do for your act?”

“Funny you should ask. I traveled with a very small circus for a brief time. I rode a unicycle and juggled. I still keep in practice by performing in the park occasionally.” 

“You’re full of surprises, Caffrey.” 

“So are you, sir. So are you.”


End file.
